I finally plucked up the courage to ask my partner if I could do this… so…
Hi. I’m Alli. I’m NT (Neuro-Typical) and I’m jut a regular 20 year old girl who goes to University. I play Guitar, want to eventually learn Ukulele so I can walk around all hippy. I’m fairly introverted, geeky, DC Comics fan and have a good amount of obsession of dragons. I consider myself a designer/illustrator/designer. I’m Christian, so yes I go to church every Sunday and do all the Christian thing. I have two happily married parents, two younger siblings and about 7+ pets. The rest of me is fairly typical. I love my life and who is in it.
English tutors may be reading this and deducting marks for my poor grammar and writing skills, so let me justify myself. I. Don’t. Do. Essays. I’ve always wished I could just write a novel straight off and even planned them in my head, written the first chapter, but about a month later, deleted the document. But. This is not an Essay. This is not some scientific or academic research document. I have another blog which focuses on one other aspect of my life, but this blog is for something and someone who is close to my heart.
This blog is going to focus on the first thing about me. (no… not my name, after that).
I’m NT (Neuro-Typical). Other NT’s may be thinking, well, what does that mean? Is it some disease. That’s what I thought, cause I’m dumb and didn’t understand the simplicity behind it. Basically it means I’m [medically] mentally normal, although my family may disagree (joking). Why is this so significant? Why should this be the focus of a blog?
Because I’m in a happy, loving and wonderful relationship with someone who is not NT.
My boyfriend who I love dearly is AS (Aspergers; One of the Three most common forms of Autism). To get an idea, AS is, (for ease of reference), think of Sheldon Cooper from The Big Bang Theory or Mr. Spock from Star Trek. My boyfriend compares himself to Sheldon, but I see him more as Spock (I’m a trekky too). You see, where as Sheldon (most of the time) can be void of emotion completely, self appreciative, doesn’t quite understand sarcasm and quite a bit of a bum head sometimes, Spock just finds it difficult to process emotions because of his Vulcan upbringing.
Did any of you fan-girls scream when we found out Sheldon was about to propose to Amy, but Amy wanted a break? I sure did.
Is it difficult being in a relationship with an AS? To be totally honest, no. No more then being in a relationship with another NT. In fact, even with my limited experience with relationships, I find it better. I find that in an NT NT relationship, where both people totally understand social situations, they seem to lack the ability to consider each others feelings. How do I know? I’ve done it before. I’ve done things without even thinking about it and effectively treading on peoples toes. In a healthy NT ASD relationship, we seem to consider each other more (hence why I asked ‘permission’ as such to write this public blog). Is it easy? No, it isn’t. What relationship is?
My boyfriend (on my request actually) bought a book; Loving Mr. Spock – By Barbara Jacobs, which I’ve heard is to help NT’s understand their AS partner and also help AS’s understand their NT partner. He’s reading it first and he’s making notes so that when I read it, I’m reading the book but also getting his opinion on what is said. He’s already leaked some information that some of what is said isn’t accurate to him.
You see. That’s all that I really need to make an effort with; Understanding My Aspie. Everything else comes naturally, easily and sometimes with time and training. Because we are both Christian, we set boundaries for ourselves (what we’re comfortable with in regards to physical contact) which, we have altered because of how our relationship is progressing. We talk about our future aspirations, hopes, dreams. We tell each other we love each other (actually, we’ve only been doing that for the last three days… reasons may be revealed later). We go out on dates. We have pizza and movie nights. We cook together. We go to ASDA together (for Americans I think the equivalent is Walmart or Target). We hang out with both sets of parents. Y’know? Normal couple stuff. All I need to understand is what his Asperger’s enables him to do and understand.
My Aspie is amazing, however, like all men, he does have his flaws (the non medical kind). He has an appalling taste in drink (he drinks beer… YUK!), he tells awful dad jokes and he has this fascination with Toy’R’Us. He seems to collect out-of-date food (I think we found some out-of-date canned food, which takes three years to go out of date, in his cupboards), and he laughs at weird cat pictures.
In all seriousness now, he does have flaws. He’s self depreciating (completely opposite of Sheldon), he tends to keep what’s troubling him to himself (which I think is actually an Aspie trait) but he’s slowly learning to open up, but he’s doing it in his own time. I just let him know that if he wants to tell me, I’m there and I won’t judge him. He’s had a bad past, but even though he is quite good at hiding it, I can tell he’s somewhat afraid it will happen again and catch up with him. I assure him, even if it does, we will deal with it together, and that I won’t leave him. All in all, he’s a typical man. But he’s My Man. My Aspie.
So. I’m an NT dating an AS.
Translation: I’m a Girl dating a Boy. No strings attached.