He talks about making himself better, but there’s a mansion of room for improvement in myself too…
I’m a self proclaimed introvert. I like my own bubble and when things get heavy or hectic, I escape to a place with the least amount of people. People think I’m weird because I feel most comfortable in a dark room. When I was living in University Dorms/Accommodation, my roommates would often find me doing work or doing stuff on my laptop in the dark. Okay… I admit. I am actually really weird.
When at socials (before I met Dale), if my parents were there, I would stick around them. I wouldn’t purposefully walk up to someone and strike up a conversation. In fact, I still don’t. I have friends and people who I feel comfortable talking to, but even then I won’t make a ‘b-line’ for them. For the last two years, I feel like I’ve more fallen into my friendships then actually put myself out there. I think this is why most of my friends tend to be close friends because we seem to have a mutual want to be around each other, and I become comfortable in just walking up to them, give them a hug, and chat about what the most obscure things on earth.
Yesterday, Dale and I went to a birthday BBQ together yesterday, I did my normal thing of not mingling with the people who I know and they know me. In fact, I retreated into my comfort zone of opening up my face painting kit, which brought people to me rather then me to them (I put myself out there about having my face painting kit with me which people then told me to get out). It’s not that I’m not comfortable at socials, I just feel sometimes that I’m imposing on people.
So I sat with Dale and only really talked with Dale. At first, I thought it maybe was because I felt that I needed to not make him feel left out, which of course is stupid. I don’t think there was really anybody there who we didn’t know and who didn’t know us. But then I realised that actually, it was all me. It was because of my above reasons.
So if your one of people at the BBQ last night and you’re reading this, I’m really sorry if I came across unsociable.
This is something I need to work on. Whether it be engaging with a old friend or a new friend in a full conversation, and not leaving up to the other person to keep the conversation going or actually walking up to someone and asking how their week has been. In fact, my mum has set me the task of at a social of practising with one person to start myself getting comfortable with it.
When Dale talks about getting better with things that he does, for example his OCD, I say to him ‘baby steps’. The notion is that he deals with smaller things first, then move on to slightly bigger things and slowly he will get better. And he has. Even with the smaller things like eating a raw mushroom. Sometimes, when the step is just too big for him to make at that point, I’ll just deal with the issue (if it’s an issue I can deal with, like cleaning something).
I need to apply this ethic to myself. Like my parents said last night, “It’s okay keep telling Dale ‘Baby Steps’, but it becomes void if you don’t do it yourself”. So, instead of only socials, I’m going to try and step it up a notch. Once every week, I’m going to try and go for coffee with someone. I think, this way, it will put me in a situation in which I will socialise with someone, and increasing my own social circles.
I love seeing Dale and Me grow and become stronger together, but I think we each also need to become stronger as our own person.
We need to learn to walk,
Before we run.
In other news…
I’ve now started a new job which I am loving a lot. So far I’ve learned how not to make a decent pint of Carling (it frothed all the way up). I’m also trying to learn their order taking system, which is very complicated and (in my opinion) stupidly organised. It’s a guessing game on what the customer wants and what it is actually called on the system. I also have to remember the deals and the things that don’t run in conjunction with those deals. I have to remember the system of doing things. I also have to remember numerous of deserts, which I have to make. Luckily the billing/money taking is a lot simpler.