I’ve just been on a working Holiday… Without my boy!
For the last 12 days, I’ve been on a working holiday at a UK Christian Camp called Newday. It’s been exhausting and has flipped my life upside down. Literally. I’ve been working night shifts (I was on a kind of ‘security’ team), working 11pm to the early hours of 7am. It’s been tough physically, mentally and sometimes emotionally. Because of it being a Christian Camp and sometimes, the preachers speak about deeply emotional subjects, and we go to work just after the evening meeting finishes, we encounter a lot of issues; medicals, pastorals and behavioural. It has it’s own rewards… mainly the deep sleeps we fall into when we come to finishing our shift at 7am.
It’s also rewarding to see the countless smiles and hear the laughter of youth who are waking up safely because of our efforts during the night. Seeing the fruits, as it were, encouraged us to wake up and do it all over again the next night. However, I am glad to be back home and to be able to sleep at the same time as everyone else and in my own bed.
One of the most difficult things, other then that, was being that far and that long away from Dale. The difficulty increased when I discovered a flipping Dale Doppelgänger who was at the camp. We were able to contact at times there was phone signal (there was no WiFi and limited 3G). Our messages eventually ended up on us taking selfies of ourselves (and with other people) and sending them to each other so we could still theoretically see each other.
When was it most difficult for me?
I’m not always around Dale when he has an Anxiety Attack, but I tend to be close enough that if it’s a really bad one and he needs someone, I can be there. In my time with him, that’s only happened once. While I was away, I wasn’t a quick few minutes away. I would like to think, I did my best for him despite the distance, but you would have to ask him that. A few times, his anxieties were material, for example; the edibility of food or the cleanliness of his flat. They were the fairly easy anxieties to resolve. The harder ones were deeper and more emotional. They reoccured during the week quite a few times and have been since his operation.
You see – if he doesn’t mind me saying – he fears I’ll leave him. I’m sure that’s any mans fear when he’s in a relationship, but I feel like this is more deep-seated with him. I have no idea why. It takes a lot of repetition and love to remind him that I chose him. Sometimes, he’s list off things that he thinks I’ll leave him over; before the operation it was if the operation didn’t work and resulted in him being fully deaf; if he does or says something that is a characteristic of being Asperger’s which I get offended over; if he oversteps a boundary that we’ve set and so on. Some are what to any other person, and sometimes me, seem silly, almost trivial things, but are serious worries for him. Being 174.3 miles and four hours away, already missing him loads, made comforting him in his time of need a lot more emotional for me. Not to mention I was exhausted from working night shifts, which meant that I slept from 8/9am to 4pm which by that time, Dale can have as many as four anxiety attacks. (AND THIS PEOPLE… Is why if I had my own way, he would work nearer to home, rather then commute to London three days a week).
I’m glad I can now get back to my normal sleeping routine, so that if Dale needs that support, I’m awake.
Despite the above, my week away has been great and refreshing. Am I completely ready to go back to work? Nope. I personally feel like it’s a mistake in me going back to work so soon after finishing Newday… but 1) I need the money and 2) I’m only working two days this week.
Now that I’m back from Newday, I’m going to try and get back to writing this blog (and hopefully, this Thursday I’m going to have some material to write about *wink wink*). I know we have had a huge gap, but not much has happened as mine and Dales days have been a little haywire, but their starting to return back to normal.
Thank you for your patience and continued support.