I’ve officially moved back to my Uni city away from my Parents and Dale.
And already I’m missing them all so much.
This isn’t exactly new to me, as I have technically lived away from home for the last two years, but this year feels so much more different. Yes, I finally have my own, girly, tidy and nice looking room again. Yes I don’t have to justify where, when and why I’m going somewhere to anyone apart from myself. Yes I can eat junk and put on tones of weight without Dale or the Parents grimacing at me (jokes). But being so far away from home never gets any easier.
A couple of months ago, I was considering dropping out of uni, just because I just don’t feel at home in my Uni City. At home, I know where to go, who I can see and I also know where free parking is for cheap days out. I miss the people there and the general environment of home. As much as I love… and I mean love my own space, I also love not feeling out of place.
It’s not been hard on my relationship with Dale coming to terms with the fact that I’m not going to be able to do “after-work dates”, but what has been hard is that Dale and I are practically reduced to only Facebook Messenger as a way of contact; one of the struggles of dating someone who’s deaf (or temporarily unable to hear phone calls) is that you can’t call just call them, to hear their voice, have a conversation about the meal they’ve cooked themselves and hear them say they love you. There is Skype, and Skype now have a subtitling feature on which is still in development, but depending on internet and the reliability of Skype, it still isn’t the easiest form of communication. Back in my home city, this wasn’t really a big deal because I could see Dale anytime really, depending of course on life events. But here, knowing that I won’t see him really Monday-Friday, and even weekends will be a struggle with work, it’s going to get slightly harder.
Distance makes the heart grow fonder.
Even within 24 hours, I’ve noticed how much I want to just be able to be with Dale. Not necessarily hugging or kissing. Just to be in the same room as him, just knowing he’s within a few feet of me. The same was when I originally moved out of home away from my Parents. My mum and I have this great relationship. She’s my best friend, and when I moved up the country to study, I felt so homesick, that I had to wrap myself up in my mum’s cardigan/jacket thing. I wanted nothing more than to go home and just cuddle on the sofa. I still want that now.
One of my other struggles is that, maybe he’ll stop loving me because I’m not there. I know it’s stupid and whatever, but it’s something in the back of my mind. Y’know when you’re constantly around a person, you become close friends and can’t imagine not spending the rest of your lives together, but then something happens and they move away, or you hardly see them, you miss them at first, but after a few days/weeks you move on? I know it’s stupid. I know it won’t be quite that simple, but I guess my fear is based on the fact it has happened to me before. Time and time and time again. I grew close to someone, thought we would be friends forever and then they left or we went slightly separate ways, and now we hardly ever speak.
I love Dale. I don’t want to lose him to some petty distance. But I wish I would be going to the Uni in my home city, rather than here. Dale and I have discussed possibly transferring, but decided that it would be too much stress for so little time. It’s also why Dale decided that he wants to wait till after I finish uni before we start planning a more permanent future together, so that I won’t have to commute or spend so much time away from home.
I’m still going to try to keep the wishing him good morning and good night, because that makes me feel complete now. If I don’t wish him goodnight I feel uneasy.
Otherwise, I’m all settled in my new pad.
I’ve done a full girly on my room; hanging fair lights around my bed (which give a very nice warm mood lighting), rustic/antique looking wall hangings, meme poster things, girly clocks etc. Because I’m living in a proper house this year, It does actually feel more home like than living in University Accommodation. It does feel like this is my space, whereas Accommodation just felt like a – very nasty – hotel room for the year.
I also don’t have to share a room with one of my siblings, so I can keep it tidy and to my standard, rather than getting annoyed and distressed about mess that I can’t control.
I am currently writing another blog post, but it’s taking a while because 1) I’m trying to do the research along it so that I know I’m getting facts right, and 2) it’s a subject that is incredibly close to mine and Dale’s heart. So bare with us, we’re not forgetting about the blog, we’re just trying to make it the most helpful and factually correct as we can.