Reaffirming

Do you ever get those doubts where you’re not 100% whether you love/like someone just for their looks or for their whole being (personality etc)? 

I do. Dale does. I think everybody does. I sometimes get that niggling thought that maybe the only reason I love Dale is because I’m more physically attracted then emotionally attracted.

But, I’ll tell you something that I really enjoy about these feelings; it’s that moment, when Dale does something, it can be so simple like his big gorgeous smile which is because of something I did or because he’s listening to his favourite song or the times when he plays his piano or guitar, that reaffirms that the reason I’m in love with him is because I love him as a whole; his crazy, child-like, mischievous personality, that smile and everything else.

Today, I did something which reaffirmed it for him. He was working at home and I was round his, chilling in his living room playing Minecraft (yeah, I know… I’m little old for Minecraft). I feel so at home and so relaxed there. It feels so normal. I had brought two bars of Cadbury’s Chocolate with me (they’re Dale’s favourite, and I’ve been craving chocolate lately). Me being a good girl I didn’t tuck into one of the bars. 

Just before I was about to leave Dale to go home to spend my evening off work with my Parents, I went on the hunt for some paper. Now, Dale has a Printer/Scanner/Copier thingy-majig. It’s not plugged in mind you, but he has one. However, something he doesn’t have is a single scrap of paper in his whole flat which was available to me sneaking around in! USELESS I TELL YOU! So I had to find a christmas gift which he had already opened but left the wrapping paper on and tear a little rectangle from it. I wrote a little message saying ‘I love you, have a good night’ (he was meeting my dad for take-away which unfortunately has been postponed to tomorrow evening), and sellotaped it to one of the bars of Chocolate. I then put it in his fridge, didn’t tell him about it, went to say goodbye and left it, awaiting it’s discovery.

Sure enough, about an hour after I had left, I received a message telling me he had found the little message. He told me it made him smile (I don’t mean a little smile, he said a massive smile). And then he told me why:

Screen Shot 2016-01-08 at 23.54.35

^ That is the actual message.

And that’s how it should be. Constantly surprising each other with the simplest of things which reminds us how much we love our partner. It doesn’t have to be jewellery, a dinner at a restaurant or even a weekend away. Just a simple bar of chocolate in the fridge, a little love note, a random kiss in public (not O.T.T.P.D.A).

Saying I love you, I love you very much or the like is all well and good, but what good is words when you have no desire to prove that with your actions. It’s one thing to be told you’re loved, but to actually know you’re the chosen one above all the other choices of human.

I love Dale, and I know Dale loves me. I wouldn’t have it any other way! 

Two sides of the same Bread

If there’s anything that I can say is true about Dale and Me, it’s that we are so different, but so alike it’s unbelievable. 

For example the differences; I hate Maths, Dale loves Maths; I’m an introvert, Dale’s and Extrovert; I love DC Comics, Dale loves Marvel Comics; I go with Apple, Dale goes with Windows/Microsoft/Android. The similarities; We’re both Christian, have the same ideas, have the same aspirations, want [the same number of] children, like the same food, we both enjoy video games and we both play musical instruments.

However, it wasn’t always like that. In fact, when we first began dating, we almost didn’t show who we really were for fear of rejection by the other person. There were certain things we liked or did or do which we kept hidden from the other because we were unsure what the other would think about them.This isn’t an uncommon thing to happen in relationships, but I think it has taken quite a lot of effort, not for the other to accept the other, but for us to accept ourselves. I’m not talking about Asperger’s in this sense, because Dale and I embrace that wholeheartedly.

One of my biggest issues is independency. It’s not that I don’t want to depend on Dale, but it’s that I don’t want to seem so dependant that Dale feels suffocated by me, so I try to do things on my own and just do it by myself. At the moment I’m struggling with money, so I’m picking up as many hours as I can get at work so I can afford rent, bills and my car (MOT is this month and petrol). Dale has offered to pay towards or for some of the expenses, but so far I haven’t accepted anything, and I probably won’t until we’re married. It’s not that I don’t want to share what’s [at the moment] mine with him. It’s that I don’t want to burden him with things which he won’t see the benefit of.

That is except for the car; which he does get use of quite a lot of the time (on my offer). Oh and my phone when he decides to log into my Facebook and post statuses.

I don’t want to depend on him so much to the point where I lose him. That’s inconceivable in my mind. An impossibility for me. I keep all my burdens locked away so they won’t bother him.

Another thing about me (which Dale has quite recently had a lot of it to deal with) which I try to disguise is that I’m incredibly emotional. My mum says it’s because I ‘wear my heart on my sleeve‘. When I was away at University, I was under a lot of stress resulting in me becoming depressed quite quickly. I was away from home and struggling even more with money because I was out of work for two weeks (while I was transferring between restaurants) and being on just-above minimum wage, that impacted my wages in a very worrying way. I would cry to my mum over the phone, nearly cry in front of my housemates, and when Dale would call me, cry to him too. For nearly five weeks, Dale and my parents was my rock.

I try my hardest to keep my emotions in check, not because I’m Spock or Sherlock and think emotions are a weakness. I think it’s more because everyone thinks of me as a happy bubbly person and quite strong hearted. My Boss in Brighton has been given me certain shifts because she thinks that I can cope with it emotionally, and I can, but only because I’m literally a humorous smiling Spock at work. But when I have off days, they are seriously ‘all switches and button set to off’ days. I don’t have that wall or the filter that helps keep my words or thoughts in check (not that I have that anyway).

I keep my emotions hidden and appear the strong woman on the outside, because nobody wants a blubbering-waterfall-of-emotions girlfriend.

When Dale and I first started dating, Dale kept some of his obsessions a secret from me, in case I thought he was a mad man. Of course, I still think he is a mad man and a complete weirdo, but I wouldn’t change him for the world. My bearded-mad-obsessive-aspie weirdo.


UPDATE:

I know we haven’t done much blogging or whatever, but in truth we haven’t had much to write about. We could write about what we’ve had for dinner, but in all honestly that would be boring. It’s also been difficult as I haven’t actually seen Dale that much over the last few months, which has been difficult. 

On a whole, things are looking up. Nine Months into the relationship, my family are seeming to finally be accepting Dale as my Boyfriend and pretty much their potential son-in-law. I can safely say I finally feel at ease with everything. 

Dale and I technically didn’t spend Christmas together, which was a shame, but we really did like what we bought each other. Dale bought me a Ukulele (and not a bad one at all) and I bought him a Vinyl Record Player, my family buying him a two records that he liked. It was our first proper christmas, and I can’t wait to actually spend a Christmas ‘Day’ with him, even if it’s just for a few hours. 

Next milestone is Valentines Day, which apparently Dale is thinking about. Then it’s my first Birthday (I’ll be 21) being with Dale, then our One Year (on the 29th March) and then Dale’s 30th Birthday. So it’s a big year for both of us. 

Here’s to a love-filled 2016, filled with blessings and surprises that will make this year memorable!

Happy New Year Guys!

Love Dale and Alli x