Aspergers IS Autism!

I hear this a lot ‘he/she has Aspergers and Autism’. 

I heard it today in fact at work! One of my colleagues was serving a table who, coincidentally were from my neck-of-the-woods in Staffordshire (the mum even came from the EXACT little village that my Dad grew up in… I regret not getting her name). It was mentioned to my colleague that one of the daughters were Autistic so they’d like somewhere quite quiet. My colleague mentioned me and mentioned how I had a boyfriend who was Autistic and Aspergers.

Before I continue, I just want to assure everyone I’m not blasting my colleague. She’s a lovely lady and we get on very well. She’s very inquisitive about Dale and has even asked me to teach her some sign… so this isn’t a ‘bitching’ session against her.

When she told me, I just had to correct her. It drives me nuts when I hear people say the ‘and’ between Autism and Aspergers, as if they’re two different things.

Aspergers IS Autism! 

Just the same as Melanoma is Cancer! Or Dyslexia is a Learning Disability.

I’m sure people have heard the ‘Autism Spectrum’. That’s because there are LOADS and LOADS of different characterisations and degrees of Autism. You have High Functioning and Low Functioning. Aspergers is higher on the list… but it is still Autism and should still be treated thus; not as someone who is a burden, but as someone who just needs allowances.

I’m not sure where this distinguished gap has formed between recognising Aspies as Autistic; I’d asked another colleague as she herself is married to an Aspie, but I believe it has originated initially because, as I have noted myself, Aspies tend to be harder to diagnose because they seem ‘normal’ (whatever normal is). Aspergers tend to not be the more publicised ‘Autistic Vegetable’* that just hum to themselves and have violent outbursts when touched or there’s too much volume. My Colleague mentioned that her husband was diagnosed in Canada at a fairly young age, but wasn’t diagnosed as ‘Aspergers’ but the more blanketed ‘Autistic’ because Aspergers wasn’t recognised as a Mental Condition.

The trouble with that is, because Aspies are more highly-functioning, people either denied the Autistic Diagnosis and continued their every day life, or they sent their child to a special school which dumbed them down.


It’s just a different characterisation. Aspies can still be over stimulated and have Sensory Overload. Aspies still don’t really like touch. I’m blessed to have Dale, as I have said before, who loves me cuddling him, kissing him and holding hands with him (but even then it just selected people), but some Aspies can’t stand it. Aspies can be possessive and obsessive. Aspies can be very one-track minded. Aspies can be very non-vocal.

No two Aspies are the same… the same as no two lightening bolts hit the same spot. I’ve met three other Aspies since meeting Dale.

One couldn’t stand touch, apart from his mum. He couldn’t even deal with someone sitting next to him, apart from occasionally me because I earned his trust. But even then, it had to be only when he was okay with it.

Another gave me a hug in greeting on my first day of meeting him. Dale didn’t even shake my hand on our first meeting. However this guy certainly loved to talk about his interests, and he was very outspoken.

Another was quite outgoing! On initial meeting, I didn’t click she was an Aspie until someone told me she was.

And of course there’s Dale. You know pretty much all about him… so I don’t need to tell much about him.

However, I feel this really does demonstrate the serious lack of awareness people have about Autism. 

The danger of not recognising Aspergers as Autistic, is that people don’t understand their needs because they still think Aspergers is a separate thing.

When Dale goes quiet all of a sudden, I had people get irked because he’s stopped being social with them, when actually it’s either because the situation is too much for him or he can’t figure out the appropriate thing to say and when to say it. When he’s had to lock himself away because he’s had a full on week/couple of days or day, I’ve had people become annoyed because he needs to man up. When actually he’s probably mentally exhausted and just needs to decompress and recharge so that he can give the next social event his best effort. But because they still see Aspergers as something different to Autism, they can’t get their head round it.

Another people confuse is Anxiety and Autism/Aspergers. I’ve heard some people say that Anxiety is a symptom of Aspergers.

No! Anxiety is a completely separate diagnosis.

Anxiety is common among Aspies, but it isn’t a characterisation. Not all Aspies have Anxiety. Anxiety can be, in some instances, cured! Anxiety IS a disability. Aspergers is NOT. Assuming this correlation would be effectively saying that eating Bacon gives you Cancer (now days, everything gives you cancer). When actually, no, it’s just merely a coincidence.

So people… Please please PLEASE stop saying Aspergers and Autism! 





*DISCLAIMER: I use ‘Autistic Vegetable’ to represent the way the Media and the way none awareness people may think of Autism. This is in no means to suggest that Autistic People are Vegetables because they most certainly are not.


Man of my Life!

Half Term has hit and it just seems like too many things are happening at once and piling up!

I’m feeling more lonely then ever after an episode last week of where I just wanted to get out of the house… but had no-one to hang out with. Mum was a work, Dad was at work, Brother was at school, Dale was at work and practically what felt like my only friend in Brighton was out spending her morning with her boyfriend.

So in a fit of desperation, I drove off in my car, parked at the side of the car and wept. Wept because I felt so alone. And wept is such an old fashioned word to use, one that you only see in old storybooks… but I feel it is apt. There I was, sat in my car just crying my eyes out cause I could not bring to my mind anyone who I could just text ‘What you up to today?’

I’ve been working crazy shifts at my job which are all evening shifts and take over the most of my weekend. Apart from my colleagues (who I would say are my friends, but wouldn’t say they’re people I can just text and see if they want coffee at costa… Except perhaps Sharon and Lily… and now my mum) and the mass amount of customers that come in through the restaurant doors, I don’t have time to socialise.

Mum and Dad have gone up north to visit my Grandparents, and I’m taking care of my brother while they’re away. 

Friday night I came home from work, after working from 10am to roughly 11pm, and discovered that my little brother hadn’t eaten anything for dinner. He’s 14 so was capable to cook for himself, but I felt like such a failure for not being able to look after him when he was depending on me. I was mad! I was mad at everything, not to mention I hadn’t eaten anything either since 9am, so I was starving too. I was mad at me, him, work, parents, siblings. Even the internet hub took on onslaught of bad language from me! I ended up driving down to McDonalds with the brother, apologising profusely to him, and buying us a McDonalds feast. Not nutritious, but it was better than nothing.

I’d also messaged my sleeping Dale that night too… and Saturday morning I woke up to him telling me and bro to come over to his flat for breakfast. We had prearranged that he would hang out with the brother while I was at work… but Dale knew the gravity of the situation after Friday Nights Frustrated Messages.

So from 10am on Saturday morning, my wonderful boyfriend cooked me and my brother breakfast, gave me a blanket and let me sleep on the sofa, allowed me to use the shower, gave me a kiss off to work and looked after my brother until when I came home from work at 23:30 to pick the brother up. However again I was in a foul mood after not leaving work till late.

And Dale got the brunt of it. My poor man got the angry, frustrated, emotional Alli.

And the amazing guy just stood there… let me have at it, then just pulled me into my arms while I let all my frustration out into tears.

He didn’t yell back at me, he didn’t just storm off. He just held me silently. This man who is… by public opinion… supposed to be emotionally switched off and supposed to approach things in such a spock-like manner… completely reacted in the 100% appropriate way.

I thanked him countless times last night… and I’m sure I’ll thank him countless times in the future…

Today, I’m still not 100% but I’m ready to face it head on. What mood I’ll be in when I get home I have no idea… Hopefully it will be much better!