Half Term has hit and it just seems like too many things are happening at once and piling up!
I’m feeling more lonely then ever after an episode last week of where I just wanted to get out of the house… but had no-one to hang out with. Mum was a work, Dad was at work, Brother was at school, Dale was at work and practically what felt like my only friend in Brighton was out spending her morning with her boyfriend.
So in a fit of desperation, I drove off in my car, parked at the side of the car and wept. Wept because I felt so alone. And wept is such an old fashioned word to use, one that you only see in old storybooks… but I feel it is apt. There I was, sat in my car just crying my eyes out cause I could not bring to my mind anyone who I could just text ‘What you up to today?’
I’ve been working crazy shifts at my job which are all evening shifts and take over the most of my weekend. Apart from my colleagues (who I would say are my friends, but wouldn’t say they’re people I can just text and see if they want coffee at costa… Except perhaps Sharon and Lily… and now my mum) and the mass amount of customers that come in through the restaurant doors, I don’t have time to socialise.
Mum and Dad have gone up north to visit my Grandparents, and I’m taking care of my brother while they’re away.
Friday night I came home from work, after working from 10am to roughly 11pm, and discovered that my little brother hadn’t eaten anything for dinner. He’s 14 so was capable to cook for himself, but I felt like such a failure for not being able to look after him when he was depending on me. I was mad! I was mad at everything, not to mention I hadn’t eaten anything either since 9am, so I was starving too. I was mad at me, him, work, parents, siblings. Even the internet hub took on onslaught of bad language from me! I ended up driving down to McDonalds with the brother, apologising profusely to him, and buying us a McDonalds feast. Not nutritious, but it was better than nothing.
I’d also messaged my sleeping Dale that night too… and Saturday morning I woke up to him telling me and bro to come over to his flat for breakfast. We had prearranged that he would hang out with the brother while I was at work… but Dale knew the gravity of the situation after Friday Nights Frustrated Messages.
So from 10am on Saturday morning, my wonderful boyfriend cooked me and my brother breakfast, gave me a blanket and let me sleep on the sofa, allowed me to use the shower, gave me a kiss off to work and looked after my brother until when I came home from work at 23:30 to pick the brother up. However again I was in a foul mood after not leaving work till late.
And Dale got the brunt of it. My poor man got the angry, frustrated, emotional Alli.
And the amazing guy just stood there… let me have at it, then just pulled me into my arms while I let all my frustration out into tears.
He didn’t yell back at me, he didn’t just storm off. He just held me silently. This man who is… by public opinion… supposed to be emotionally switched off and supposed to approach things in such a spock-like manner… completely reacted in the 100% appropriate way.
I thanked him countless times last night… and I’m sure I’ll thank him countless times in the future…
Today, I’m still not 100% but I’m ready to face it head on. What mood I’ll be in when I get home I have no idea… Hopefully it will be much better!